I have been stuck in Electrical and Electronic Engineering (EEE) for more than 5 years. Now that when people ask me why do I choose EEE, I would stun for a while before thinking real hard for an answer. I literally lost all my reasons for it.
I guess this wasn’t the case for me 5 years ago. Back in early 2008 when I’ve just got my SPM result, straight 13 A’s, bright future, and I was determined to be an engineer. Why not scientist, why not doctor? I said I want to solve big problems. I want to improve lives of human being. I want to make this world a better place. Big dreams starts with my first step in applying to Singapore Polytechnic (SP). Oh, don’t call me a traitor because I did applied to Malaysia’s Matriculation course and Government’s Scholarship as well. I chose the engineer path instead of the biological science side. My twin seniors once said I should be a dentist, but I didn’t want to. I went for the interview the day before I fly off to Singapore. I didn’t give it a damn I guess.
I hesitated for some time choosing between EEE and Mechanical Engineering. Frankly, I think I preferred Mech Engine. But, I thought EEE is more viable and flexible. 😡 hmm…
School started. Someone jumped into CCK MRT track. It was an epic day.
Weeks later, letters of rejection came. I hate rejection but I didn’t really care.
3 years of fun passed. I think I enjoyed myself in SP. Great camaraderie. Awesome lectures that I never fell asleep before. Productive tutorials because I always completed them before going for class. Lab session? The whole class had fun. Programming lesson? Everyone is chatting on group MSN. OH MAN I MISS MSN! 😦
Graduated with a Gold Medal. Oh before that, Nanyang Technological University sent me an offer letter. Great, I applied to EEE course again. I was clear that I love it and I would never leave it. I applied Nanyang Scholarship as well.
On the interview day, I met Prof Lalit Goel. He inspired me a lot. He said, an excellent person should be well-rounded. I shared with him my passion for EEE and convinced that I wanted to do EEE instead of Renaissance Engineering Programme ( a new course offered by NTU).
I got my NTU scholarship. That’s it. I closed the door in front of me. That’s it. The start of my many mistakes.
First semester, I didn’t really struggle but I was too relax. I thought I can cope. I thought I can be the kindest person on Earth. Meh. GPA dropped like shit. That’s it. No one told me how important to get a 5 on the first semester. But, yeah I should have used common sense, right?
I cried in my mentor’s office. She assured me, shared with me her stories. Second semester, I become myself again. Anyway, these are not the points that I wanted to bring up!?
Basically, I lost the motivations that I used to have. I forgot the reasons of why am I in EEE. I gave up my dreams. I lost myself.
Today, I am sitting in an Arts computer lab, facing Mac and holding Arduino Mega. I stunned again. It has been almost 3 years for not tinkering with breadboard and electronic stuffs. My classmates admire me for being in the EEE course. They expect me to know all the components and functions of them. I was ashamed of myself. My brain was rusty and therefore it took me a while to recall what I learnt during polytechnic days.
Luckily, it wasn’t that terrible as I thought it could be. I still recall how to read schematic diagram, connecting the circuits, and I really had lots of fun doing that. Designing and building circuit from scratch are good but when it comes to logical thinking, I think I need some time to recover.
Shameful enough, it was an art course that get me applying all my technical knowledge. It got me cracking my brain for something I love! A passion that was corroded by the years that I was studying in that damn course which I thought I’m in love with.
It was a burning passion now that it is dying off.
I am not blaming the EEE course that I am taking. Some people could adapt well to it because the course fits them well. Therefore they excel and benefit the most out of it. For me, I don’t think I’m fitting well into it so I don’t really get much. I do, however, appreciate it as a life discovering lesson as a whole.
I told myself that I don’t foresee myself in an engineering field. I told everyone else. But, I have come so far and this is definitely not the end of my journey with EEE. The more lemons it gives me, the more I should make lemon juice for it. A Prof said that something is wrong with NTU education system. NTU doesn’t train the students to think critically. I agreed, my brain rusted over the years. I hardly argue with people. I hardly voice out my own opinions or even convince myself to believe in them. But is it NTU’s problem? No, it’s not.
If someone could not provide you with something, don’t blame him/her. Get it somewhere else. Find it yourself.
Sometimes I admire those people who dropped out from school and is free to do whatever thing they want. Because everyone else thinks they are failures. But they don’t give it a damn. They have something they like to do. They have all the time for themselves. They are free to manage their own time.
Actually, so do I.
I argued with my dad regarding this matter. I told him that our education system is at fault, that wasted so much of our time. Then he said, if weren’t for those education, would you even think of this?
Yeah, I bet I will be forever living under the coconut shell. Oh well.
I just wasted 2 hours writing about this and doing other stuffs while I should be writing my report due on Saturday. I need to start my stalled engine and awaken my Leonine soul within. 🙂